i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
