dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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