I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
