I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
