Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
