Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
