exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
