I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
