about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
