haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
