I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
