It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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