I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
