i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
