It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
