i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
