I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
