Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
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