Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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