I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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