We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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