you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
