The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
