dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
