Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
