just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
