Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
