Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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