Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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