It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize