Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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