Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
