My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
