Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
