I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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