So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
