Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
