When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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