Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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