I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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