I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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