am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you will always have a special place in my vag
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
