Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
