apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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