Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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