420 ftw
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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