Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
