Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Randomize
