Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
please come you make the beer taste better
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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