____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
