you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
