Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
