I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
