he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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