1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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