Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize