Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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