Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
