Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
