I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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