"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
