Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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