we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he thought i was a dude.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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