I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
