Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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