I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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