clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
