he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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