Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
